best music jokes of all time
What's the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline? So I thought it would be only fair to include these Irish jokes in a big blog post. Twelve-Tone Commercial Joke. And if you feel we’ve missed some of your best music jokes, let us know in the comments. 97. "What's the matter?" And for the people who like country music, ‘denigrate’ means ‘put down’.” The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent! Jelly Roll Morton, “You should have been here last week. Ringo Starr: “I love him, especially his poems.” Because he only had Karajan luggage. When you’re 67 and singing about it, you know what you’re talking about.” The Fashion Of Shania Twain: The Queen Of Country Pop, Riot Girls: The Female Musicians Who Changed The World, ‘Music Of My Mind’: Stevie Wonder’s Thoughts Turn To Musical Greatness, The Greatest Prog Guitarists: An Essential Top 25 Countdown. Fire extinguisher. And so, with that in mind, MusicRadar has compiled the 23 best drummer jokes of all time. Do you really want music in the shower? Reminds me of my all-time favorite: A constant function and e^x are walking down the street. 11. “Who’s there?” Louis Armstrong, “I’m sick to death of people saying we’ve made 11 albums that sound exactly the same. A: “A rubber band”. You’re so black that if you were standing against a white wall you’d look like a passageway. “A little old lady.” I'll let you know. A: “With a tuba glue.”, Q: “What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?” Damon Albarn, “In the 60s, the record companies seemed to sign anything with long hair; if it was a sheepdog, so what?” What's the difference between a viola and an onion? Billy Connolly, “I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. There's a differential operator over there! Tom Waits, “I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall Of Fame Award. In second place was a legendary one-liner about a zoo with just one dog being a 'shitzu'. I ordered a chicken and an egg online. Irish jokes are famous across the world, some good and some bad. A flat minor. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class? Image: Thomas Hawk. You’re so black that you were marked absent at night school. Bob Newhart, “If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.” It was like trying to blow an octopus.” “Nothing’s that funny,” Melly quipped, “A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo – and doesn’t.” I could make you a Liszt. Everyone's relieved when the case is closed. He was Haydn. ... 240+ Best Kids Jokes for Some Wholesome Laughs. But we're going to let you in on a little secret: We drummers love the jokes. Why did JS Bach have so many children? How can you tell if a singer's at your door? Doyouthinkhesaurus (45%) 3. Why did the tortilla chip start dancing? 14. Difficult Times . There are intellectual jokes. It’s just soft.” Middle C, E flat and G walk into a bar. “Are you going to come along quietly, or do you want musical accompaniment?” He's been harassing me for weeks. "We don't serve minors.". You sure drank those fast.” Paudie explains: "You would drink fast too if you had what I have.” Nothing brings the family together at Christmas quite like a good (or terrible) Christmas joke. Oh come on, you can admit it. A: “Seeing Suggs walking up your driveway.”, “Knock, knock!” Back desk players. 8. My dad always told me I should sing tenor or twelve miles away. 60. There are two types of people in the world. All of a sudden, he hears a voice. “Lemmy Who?” Musician Jokes. Image credit: Elliott Brown, Why didn't the bouncer let the quavers into the bar? We trade them and e-mail them to one another. Herbie Mann, “Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. The best (and worst) musical jokes. Why get your buddies together to share the best filthy jokes they know when you’ve got the Internet? Frank Zappa, “Australia’s gift to insomniacs… the blonde singing the bland.” Mouse organs. 90+ Funny Space Puns and Jokes That Are Out Of This World. Today is all about guitar jokes. RISQUE! At a press conference on The Beatles’ first US tour in 1964, “The first requirement for a composer is to be dead.” Johnny Carson, “There’s more evil in the pop charts than an Al Qaida suggestion box.” “Lemmy in or I’ll knock the bleedin’ door down”, Your email address will not be published. Stewart Francis, “Playing bop is like Scrabble with all the vowels missing.” Why are women like KFC? But 15 years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. Apr 25, 2018 - Some memes will never get old, and we're thankful for that! A time traveler walks into a bar. There are dad jokes.And, if you're into them, there are cat jokes.But above all, there are silly jokes.You know the ones: A friend asks you a nonsensical question (perhaps, "Why did the man fall in the well? He is doing his best.” The Argentine tango composer in, ‘Why do Black people have to be that much better to win, an audition?’ – Chi-chi Nwanoku on classical music’s diversity, When the real-life Von Trapp great grandchildren sang a, Virtuoso pianist perfectly syncs her playing with Tom and. Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven, where they are met at the Perly Gates by St. Peter. A guy rang up to ask what time the show started and we said, ‘What time can you get here?’ The band was playing ‘Tea For One’ and the audience was on its foot. Keith Richards, George Melly to Mick Jagger: “Why is your face was so wrinkled?” Morrissey, “For Lent, I’ve given up music… there is a God.” Monica Wood, “The typewriter, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.” 5. I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus. “Lemmy” Filthy Frank tells what could possibly be referred to as the worst joke of all time. 61. I said to him, ‘Someday, when we’re not together, you won’t be able to order a cup of coffee at the f__king deli without hearing or seeing me.’” How To Annoy a Musician 4. If you don’t like jokes you can always check out the guitarhabits’ archive for a great workout and some awesome guitar knowledge to get your fingers moving. 94. Why couldn't the string quartet find their composer? Woody Allen, “Last night at Carnegie Hall, Jack Benny played Mendelssohn. Philip Glass. No one cries when you cut up a viola. He screams: "Help, I don't know how to swim!" Shmuel Breban, “I went to a record store and asked for 50 Cent, they kicked me out for panhandling.” A guy goes ice fishing for the very first time. Oscar Wilde in 1882, reporting a sign in a saloon bar in America, “I got to try the bagpipes. Pianist melts together Chopin and Rachmaninov in, We can accurately guess your birth month from your, Deepfake AI now lets classical composers ‘sing’ your, Singapore ballet conductor swaps baton for bike in, ‘To live a full life, you need to fully experience music, Minister blames EU for ‘self-defeating’ rejection of, Who was Astor Piazzolla? The best (and worst) musical jokes. Bach. In fact, we’ve made 12 albums that sound exactly the same.” Pull yourself together then (42%) 5. Here are our favorite timeless musical memes: 1. A geisha approaches a man rumored to be the third best swordsman in Japan, and asks him for a demonstration of his skill. A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." (52%) 2. Choir as Described by 8. Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary, Q: “Why is a piano so hard to open?” ... 10 of Bach’s all-time best pieces of music 2 days ago. Tom Waits, Q: “What’s an accordion good for?” Warren Zevon, “I had a boyfriend who told me I’d never succeed, never be nominated for a Grammy, never have a hit song, and that he hoped I’d fail. Ronnie Scott, club owner and saxophonist, “I met her in the museum of palaeontology. Harold C Schonberg, the first music critic to win the Pulitzer Prize For Criticism, “Listening to the fifth symphony of Ralph Vaughan Williams is like staring at a cow for 45 minutes.” Jon Bon Jovi, “I don’t perform… seals perform.” Get ready to have a productive day. Choir as Described by Here are our favorite timeless musical memes: 1. You’re so black that you’d leave a hand print on charcoal. Freeze you’re under a vest (44%) 4. Tom Lehrer, “My chances of getting into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame are about as good as Milli Vanilli’s.” Ulysses S Grant, former US President, Lady: “About how much money do you boys average a street?” Loudon Wainwright, “We only knew four chords, but we arranged them pretty well.” Rap. If you do like jokes, read on and check out the archive later on. What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? Tim Vine, “Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.” 20. You take your shoes off the jump on a trampoline. They arrive at the pearly gates and, after a bit of a wait, St. Peter appears and asks them what they want. A: “A harp player taking out a mortgage.”, “Never look at the trombones; you’ll only encourage them.” Swiss composer Arthur Honegger, Q: “Why shouldn’t you let children watch symphonies on TV?” Musical Baby Names 3. What's the difference between a conductor and God? George Bernard Shaw, “I’m 42. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.” Gioachino Rossini, “I just can’t listen to any more Wagner… I’m starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.” 9. When he comes back with the pint, all seven shots are gone. At first I was afraid. Here are our favorite timeless musical memes: 1. Your so black tar calls you baby. Rhythm Guide. Freddie Mercury, “I don’t have a drinking problem, ’cept when I can’t get a drink.” Songs that my parents used and songs that I used for study, as well songs to support and motivate you on your journey in the entrepreneur world. It just smells funny.” 105+ Corny Jokes to Send to … 268 votes, 58 comments. Minnie Riperton, “All music is folk music. It just takes me a moment to process so much stupid information all at once. Tommy Cooper, “The piano has been drinking, not me.” Something bad is going to happen. The Struggle is Real… 10. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Other jokes to make the top 20 include a string of brilliant one-liners - and digs at wives, husbands, blondes and foreigners. Lady Gaga, “Jazz isn’t dead. Not all jokes need to be family friendly and G-rated. I ain’t never heard a horse sing a song.” Before and After. 96. “A little old lady who?” Strongman and cultural icon Chuck Norris stars in a fantastic number of one-line jokes on the Internet, satirical comments on his portrayal of the ideal martial arts master who never loses a fight or drops a punch. Angus Young, AC/DC, “If I didn’t do music well, I just wouldn’t have anything to do… I can’t cook, and I’d be a terrible housewife.” A: “There’s too much sax and violins.”, “I took saxophone lessons for six months until I dislocated my jaw. We’re turning the tables and make fun of ourselves… The guitar players. Did you hear the one about the viola? 18. Heart vs. Vocal Range. Rocket Science 5. 59. Claire: “Oh, we got both kinds. 9. 10. Oct 12, 2019 - Some memes will never get old, and we're thankful for that! Hayley Matthews Updated: 9/25/14. Read on to discover the best clean jokes that promise a whole lot of giggles for both adults and kids alike.. 101 Clean Jokes. It’s just like eating a bag of crisps. John Lennon at The Royal Variety Performance, 1963, “Not seeing my physician for 20 years was one of those phobias that really didn’t pay off.” Why did the pirate buy a Pavarotti album? People will be lined up for blocks. Laughter and tears are both responses to everyday life, said Kurt Vonnegut, adding, “I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.” Music can provide some of life’s most uplifting and spiritual experiences… but there is also plenty to smile about. 7. The best sword joke of all time [Long] The Emperor of Japan was hosting a banquet and invited the best swordsmen from all over the country. The first nun says, "I want-a … Those who love dirty jokes, and those who are lying. Why didn't Handel go shopping? The barman says: “Wow! "Come on, we have to get away from here!" Because he was Baroque. Philip Glass. 95. Musical Baby Names 3. Out of Tune Instruments. Linda Smith, “The first time I sang in the church choir, 200 people changed their religion.” What's the definition of perfect pitch? What did the policeman say to his tummy? Life of a Music Major. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. Did you hear the one about the viola? What is Beethoven's favourite fruit? Steve Martin, “My favourite band is called Cockles And Mussels. How To Annoy a Musician 4. Read Also: 160 Funny Best Jokes. How do you fix a broken brass instrument? However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. Music Snob Hierarchy And I make no bones about it.” From TV show ‘Seinfeld’ to hit movie ‘The Blues Brothers’, anonymous gags to laughs about gigs, these are the best music jokes in the world. Whether you’re sharing a laugh or a groan, silly Christmas jokes from out of your crackers – or passed down from your Uncle Jack after too much sherry – … Best One-Liner Dad Jokes. 6. “There are no fish under the ice!” He ignores it and moves to another area, cuts a hole, and tosses his line in. Move down a couple of streets.” A pizza can feed a family of four. Country music fans don't mind making fun of themselves and their music. No, no. From The Blues Brothers, “The inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm.” James Blunt, “Get up from that piano. Choir Starter Pack 2. SJ Perelman, “Brass bands are all very well in their place – outdoors and several miles away.” Somebody should have been here last week… we had the bouncers chucking them in. “I went to see an Elvis impersonator, but I got there too late… he had left the building.”, When the great harpsichordist Wanda Landowska was asked how she spent her time when she wasn’t on the concert stage, she said, “Then I finger my passages.”, “Knock, knock” A: “Mount Rushmore.”. Source: 'paperkut' from imgur You may have already seen a few, these are my personal favorites: 1_What's the difference … A: “Pop music”. These are the funniest jokes about all 50 U.S. states. She said “Whatever floats your boat”, I said “No, that’s buoyancy…” Music, celebrity, nautical Oh, I was petrified.” “Extraordinary how potent cheap music is.” Noël Coward The Best Music Jokes In Hollywood “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” Billy Wilder’s quip about actor Cliff Ormond Can You Curve My Grade? Lemmy, on Hawkwind, “Knowing me, I’ll probably get busted at my own funeral.” You can tune a chainsaw. Bar Jokes (Introduction Jokes) , Pickup Lines (Guy to Girl) , Holiday Jokes (Birthday Jokes) It's all done in good fun. Here are some good, bad, and so-good-they're-bad jokes about country music. Why was the sand wet? 18. Now the world is weird, people take Prozac to make it normal.” Get ready to have a productive day. Schoenberg's tonic. Email. You hurtin’ its feelings.” ‘Me Against The World’: How 2Pac Transcended Hip-Hop’s Trappings, Extreme – And The Debut Album That Tapped Their Maximum Potential, ‘On Through The Night’: Def Leppard’s Debut Remains A NWOBHM Classic, ‘Now He Sings, Now He Sobs’: The Yin And Yang Of Chick Corea, Best Motown Girl Groups: 10 Essential Acts You Need To Know, Justin Bieber Delivers Standout Performances At The Kids Choice Awards, Gwen Stefani Hints At No Doubt Reunion After ‘Slow Clap’ Release, Herb Alpert Young Jazz Composer Award Recognizes 20 Rising Talents, Spoon Share Live Covers Of Tom Petty’s ‘Breakdown’ And ‘A Face in the Crowd’, Jordan Davis Releases New Single ‘Need To Not’. A: “To get away from the noise.”, Q: “What’s the difference between an oboe and an onion?” The Best Christmas Jokes Of All Time. Mark Twain, “Hell is full of musical amateurs. Jarvis Cocker, “Sex has never been an obsession with me. He walks into a music shop and says, "I'll take that red … Someone keyed the music teacher’s car. The World Wide Web is home to some rather risque humor, and we’ve found the best of it. John Cusack as Rob Gordon in High Fidelity, “I worry that the person who thought up muzak may be thinking up something else.” Thanks a lot. Smooth Classics with Myleene Klass "I'll have a gin please, but no tonic". Eric Morecambe, “I play all my country and western music backwards – your lover returns, your dog comes back and you cease to be an alcoholic.” What, you expect us to actually count to a normal number? His partner replies: "Just fake it!". None. A: “Take away their chairs.”. Doctor, Doctor! Quincy Jones, “If you wanted to torture me, you’d tie me down and force me to watch our first five videos.” "Look! Bennett Cerf, founder of Random House, “[A clarinet is] an instrument of torture operated by someone with cotton wool in their ears. Songs that my parents used and songs that I used for study, as well songs to support and motivate you on your journey in the entrepreneur world. There's only one thing better than a good joke - a joke so bad that it's good. Moments of light relief have been hard to come by this year but the annual ranking of topical Christmas cracker jokes provides some, with the top spot taken by one that has a … 50 Food Puns To Dish Out When You’re Hungry For Laughs. If you want more good roast lines and other awesome stuff, check out 35 funny Spongebob roasts, quotes, and jokes. 7. A percussionist, tired from being ridiculed by other musicians, decides to change instruments. 58. Pay them for the pizza. Discuss This! Just a great assortment of funny jokes that have that all time classic status. For the past 30 days, I have been sharing an Irish joke every day on my Facebook page.. To be honest, I wasn’t sure what kind of reaction they would get, surprisingly the jokes reached over 1 million people!. The Top Ten. George Carlin, “I know only two tunes: one of them is ‘Yankee Doodle’, and the other isn’t.” Ludwig Van Beethoven. 28 cringe-worthy classical music jokes that you need in your life. 16. Best Jokes of All Time. How many men does it take to open a beer? What type of music are balloons afraid of? The LEGO shop reopens tomorrow, but I recommend avoiding it for the time being. After a second, the shop assistant says, "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator stays. If he operates on me, I'm a goner!" As a musician, I’ve learned the best way to win a Grammy is to not release your music in the same year as Adele. Some of the most beautifully crafted, genuinely laugh-out-loud adult dirty jokes are so jaw-droppingly filthy that you'd feel a little weird even sharing them with a consenting adult at a bar after midnight. Bar, time travel: I told a friend of mine I liked Beyoncé. Quite nice, but nothing marvellous.” Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Deceptive Cadences 17. It was two hours before we found out the cashier was dead…” Richard Strauss, “[The piano] is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.” Because he didn't have any organ stops. 1. I am simply giving you time to reflect on what an idiot you are being. Cole Porter, “Let me be clear about this: I don’t have a drug problem; I have a police problem.” They can be a witticism, a brief ridiculous narrative with a humorous twist, or a question whose answer is the punch line. There are songs from all times. 1. Musician Jokes. They can't find the key and don't know when to come in. More jokes about: life, music. “Who’s there?” That’s 84 in musician years.” Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary, “I do not have a single white note on my piano; my elephant smoked too much.” I saw them alive alive-o in concert.” There are songs from all times. Three musicians and their wives are all killed in a terrible accident on their way to a music conference. English conductor Sir Thomas Beecham, Q: “What’s the difference between a conductor and God?” Why 21 you ask? A: “Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.”, Q: “What’s the definition of an optimist?” Someone shouted: ‘Get him off!’ The manager shouted: ‘No, he’s ’armless!’ I heard somebody say: ‘That’s what he ought to be.’” She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both." 1 Good women are found on every corner of the earth but sadly the earth is round! 10pm - 1am, Symphony No.9 in D minor Opus 125 (3) Bob Hope, “I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do. Jokes come in all shapes and sizes. Billy Wilder’s quip about actor Cliff Ormond, “Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?” How was I to know I was supposed to blow in the small end?” When Laurel and Hardy play street musicians in Below Zero, Q: “How do you make a bandstand?” A: “Learning how to fold maps.”, Q: “Why do bagpipers walk when they play?” "). Fred Allen, “My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the ‘William Tell Overture’ without thinking of The Lone Ranger.” Knock knock, who's there? Oliver Hardy: “I would say about 50 cents a street.” Everyone's sense of humor is different. We got country and western.” 27. Any list of best short jokes is going to be subjective, but those below are likely to give you a laugh and brighten your day. I guess there’s no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.” Victor Borge, “I was playing piano. God doesn't think he's a conductor. Ten Ways to Crack a Safe Top Ten Countries With the Most Impressive Life Expectancies Top 10 Best Movies of 2020 Top 10 Best Songs of … ... 100+ Best Dad Jokes of All Time (Creative and Eye-Rolling Puns) The Musical Theory of Relativity. Choir Starter Pack 2. Music is the brandy of the damned.” Spike Milligan, “Somebody just gave me a shower radio. From wince-inducing puns to ghastly double entrendres, here are 115 of the very worst/best. Q: “What kind of band doesn’t play music?” He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them. “I knew Ice Cube when he was called Water.”, Q: “What’s the first sign of Madness?” He says, "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I’m granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want." A: “God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.”, “Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.” Covering all sorts of themes and topics, it s just a great collection of jokes that will have anyone laughing along. Your email address will not be published. Even so, drummer jokes abound. A: “No one cries when you chop up an oboe.”, Q: “How do you fix a broken brass instrument?” What’s the best thing about Switzerland? In fact, it's sort of a tradition - from the comedy of Buck Owens on "Hee Haw," to the blue-collar stand up of Jeff Foxworthy and Bill Engvall. A: “A flat minor.”, Q: “What does a harmonica and a lawsuit have in common?” One. What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common? 26. Help, I feel like a pair of curtains! Q: “What kind of music are balloons afraid of?” A: “Because the keys are on the inside.”, “Please do not shoot the pianist. I am not ignoring you. Knock knock, who's there? How does a soprano sing a scale? There are two instruments that are worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.” What's the difference between a musician and a large pizza? “I didn’t know you could yodel.”, Q: “What rock group has four guys who don’t sing?” Dave Lee Roth, Van Halen, “Could the people in the cheaper seats, clap your hands? After you’ve finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.